From foot to phallus, this article covers you figuratively. While not as lengthy as others in this series, United Shitlords wish you learn a few tips from it and that it helps you evade some common mistakes committed by those just getting into business informal attire. As always, we welcome your feedback in the comment section and love to hear what works for other people.
Welcome to the least difficult part of your outfit to screw up terribly. Socks tend not to cost too much unless some type of podiatric autism afflicts you. Think of them as little highlights, much like shirt cuffs, which accentuate certain parts of your rig in subtle ways.
For example, if you wear a purple shirt that day, perhaps your socks display thin grey and mauve east stripes. In the instance you don your brown pants and jacket, maybe the ribbed camel socks provide a nice distinction between your trousers and shoes, bringing more attention to those expensive classic dress boots which broke your pocket wallet. Flat knit blue socks contrast nicely against your brown boots and grey slacks. The combinations appear endless.
Most people spend very little time gazing and the herringbone patterns on your stockings. However, if they find themselves doing so, the socks need not clash with any part of your suit. Avoid black socks with grey pants, blue socks with black pants, and any goofy designs (like penguins, etc) that lead others to question your sexuality.
One great way to choose socks involves the texture, knit, or pattern. A well-made sock feels good in addition to its visual appeal. Popular options include houndstooth, argyle, diamonds, polka dots, and chevrons. Cop a variety pack to make sure you mix it up frequently.
Quite a lot of dress socks tend to run thinner than your average model from Hanes or Fruit of the Loom. We prefer dress socks a bit thicker and longer as they give better calf support (especially the knee-highs), slip less, keep you warmer in the winter, and last longer. Cheaper-made socks fall down when you walk and wear out very quickly. PROTIP: Keep your toenails trimmed and poke fewer holes in the toes of your nice, new socks.
After years of buying and testing countless brands of dress stockings, we recommend Perry Ellis. Even though the company’s founder died of GRIDS and Jews run it now, they produce a good product. Some online retailers put five-packs on sale between $8-14 while a pair costs $9 normally.
Avoid buyer’s remorse here! The little extra cash spent on more durable brands results in less time wasted later in repeating purchasing and selection. Your feet thank you for it, certainly.
In keeping with the basic theme of this series, the slacks match your jacket. First, you get comfortable matching your outfit everyday. Then, consider deviating from these guidelines. Buy the set together, and make it easier and more cost-effective.
As for style, go with what resonates well with you. Solid colours tend to provide more safety for the beginner; however, if the look of pinstripes appeals to you, grab them. Stay far from pleats unless you enjoy looking like a huge dork. We reserve further comments on pants style and encourage the user to research, explore, and decide for himself.
The pants on the racks at the men’s store lack hems. Some stores measure and sew them for you (don’t entertain the idea of hem stick), possibly included in the purchase price. If you let the store to sort this, ensure you get measured in every pair separately, in the boots you use for that colour combination. In case you carry IWB, bring your holster and piece with you when they take your measurements as well.
Next, look at the belt loops. Does your belt fit comfortably through them without either stretching the holes nor leaving too much play? Too much space there lets the slacks sit slightly further down than the exact measurements taken by the tailor. Carry your belts into the dressing room and check how they look on the trousers.
Skipping these steps allows for a fair chance of the pants’ not fitting you properly somehow and your returning to the place for modifications. Save time and effort and account for these variances from the beginning. Otherwise, your imminent dissatisfaction looms.
As with any clothing article, read the laundering instructions. Normally, you can avoid dry cleaning the pants and instead wash them at home. Press them properly afterwards, put the slacks on a wooden clothes hanger (wire hangers slump under weight and clump the item), and hang them on a clothes rod. Folding and stuffing them in a drawer wrinkles them unnecessarily and leads to an unprofessional presentation when worn.
Repair any holes or weak seams immediately. The old adage, “A stitch in time saves nine,” applies here. Just like those activities described in the previous paragraph, this falls under the “tasks to delegate to the hausfrau” too.
Forget about brands here. We believe functionality need not impact formality nor fashion. Thinking otherwise constitutes a false dichotomy.
As with shoes, start with a proper brown belt to match your brown kicks. If you added a black pair of shoes initially, grab a black leather belt to complement them. Leather lasts forever if you care for it properly. Think about passing them to younger relatives as you procure new ones.
When buying a belt, consider one that doubles as your concealed carry belt. Normally, these belts’ constructions withstand the weight of a sidearm a bit better than those flimsy products made by homosexual designers somewhere in Western Europe. Some manufacturers make great products you can wear everyday to work, nice dinners, and to the range. Check these recommendations, courtesy of /k/:
- Beltman’s gun belts;
- Dress gun belt from Hanks Belts (warrantied for 100 years!);
- Leather belts from Bison Designs;
Even better, some small towns contain a local leathersmith still. Support this guy if you find one close. He appreciates your business, for sure.
Protect your gear
The same conditions apply to belts as for shoes. Every time the belt gets wet, you must let it dry before applying the conditioning cream. Perhaps, you can use the same conditioning cream on the belt that you bought for the shoes.
When not in use, roll the belt and store it in your dresser drawer. We see no reason to hang belts on a hanger in your closet and occupy space there. The decreased exposure to air and light keeps their condition longer too.
We assume the reader concocts his personalised methodology for combining socks with slacks. Consider this about 40% through your transformation into a sharp-dressed shitlord. With this guide as your torch, may you find the journey less bumpy and with quicker success! Stay tuned for the next article in which we delve into the nuances of dress shirts.